Big queue at the ticket office! Looks like it might be fairly busy game!
Woop! New job! Off to celebrate now!
Hear me out here. I’m sure that this song: http://t.co/DUyADpl is the same tune as this one: http://t.co/jR0HuHR
Link or original video: http://t.co/wCWlfHi
Even though you might want to, you just can’t hug every cat. http://t.co/bPU8koN
The Continuing Adventures of Mary Hawksworth: “You can’t beat gas for a gas fire.”
@RealHelenCulver it was broken, and the new one looks pants too!
Run, Oscar in the forest, run! http://t.co/dNAv2iU
Something I’ve known for years! http://t.co/9NxiUz6
Philm 2011: King Arthur: Shit film with a half decent fight at the end.
What about fucking standards, you pricks! A bluray that doesn’t work on most bluray players, Christ! http://t.co/WuiNLiO
Well done William and Oscar for their first walkies off the lead!
Philm 2011: Easy A: Surprisingly amusing chick-esque flick.
Philm 2011: Operation Endgame: Something like Battle Royale only underground and with secret agents instead of Japanese schoolkids.
Philm 2011: Zombies of Mass Destruction: Two gay men, one Iranian woman and a frizzy haired woman against a town of dead people. Liked it.
Hate how the most retarded, stuck up, self important, lazy, ugly, ignorant twats make fortunes on TV for being uninteresting bastards.
When Will Young opens his mouth I just want to put my foot through it.
Her ex-boyfriend just told her to look at herself. Look at her! With those eyes what else can she do?! http://t.co/rlwwoA7
@emmawhite17 Lord O’ t’ Rings #YorkshireFilms
@djreid90 the first person who says either the books or films are better is going to get a bitchslap!
Job interview done… Pint in order I think!
Philm 2011: Adjustment Bureau: Inception – dreams + Matrix – virtual reality + trilby hat + Matt Damon + love interest = chickflick man film
Philm 2011: Beetlejuice: thin Baldwin makes model village infested by green toothed ghost of batman. he dies & they haunt happily ever after
Weird things I’ve seen this week: an air steward get a round of applause, two wasps making love and sun in England that was actually hot.
Philm 2011: The Rock: Nic Cage plays Nic Cage alongside Sean Connery who plays Sean Connery disabling chemical bombs and the good guys win.
Philm 2011: District 9: Prawn aliens plus man with Prawn arm against angry private army man fighting for black fuel juice.
Philm 2011: Terminator Salvation: Angry robots versus angry John Connor with voice like Batman
A man with an erection, a kid with a balloon, a human-sized carrot, a dolphin and a lama on a banana boat on the ocean. http://t.co/IY0xFRB
Sexual contact sexual contact! http://t.co/NpOIRhQ
Woof Bark. Crazy! http://t.co/FEQpwdS
Hope nobody ordered these hard drives! http://t.co/zO8b9FB
Homeboy! http://t.co/KuBOde7
Hide your kids! Hide your wife! http://t.co/viSqWXC
’Cos my Daddy taught me good! http://t.co/2630Oja
And I’m like Oh My God! Oh My God! http://t.co/YnJ8AsB
If you liked Identity, you’ll enjoy Shutter Island. If you thought the end of Identity was crap, you’ll feel the same about this.
Philm 2011: Shutter Island: Identity but set in the 1950s.
First it was Florida Ketchup, then Grass Bird Shit and now it’s: Kitchen Spider Drop! Only me, eh.
Never in my life have I seen such an innocent looking Senior Citizen prescription require so many carrier bags & trips back to the pharmacy!
Insert humorous and/or reflective commentary of the day’s unfoldage here.
@markhoppus “How’s life?”
Philm 2011: Black Sheep: bunch of pissed off zombie sheep chasing humans across farmland.
Philm 2011: Dead Snow. Bunch of pissed off Nazi zombies chasing gold in the snow.
I want it now, not the promises of what tomorrow brings. I need to live in dreams today, I’m tired of the song that sorrow sings.
And a third: http://t.co/dW8EJ92
And another: http://t.co/YJoebts
Top quality advertising: http://t.co/28OeHTJ
One tired doggy. http://t.co/N1zGHvH
We all appear to still be here. Thoroughly disappointing, if I’m honest.
The Expendables. Not sure which was better: the fighting, or the facelifts.
Film 2011 with Lesley. The Expendables: a bunch of soldiers on an island and they all get shot.
Charlotte and Lesley are waiting for the 10.08 to Rapture. It’s only 9.51. Feet’ll hurt soon.
Well, as long as the Bird is still The Word, Rapture can go shit on itself.
Apparently, it’s Philadelphia. So something like 11pm UK time. Not long now. Just cracked open a beer in anticipation.
World ends at 6pm in which time zone?
ITV certainly are adept at hiring incredibly gash punditry.
@Lottiekins you said noone ever @’s you! here’s one. @ladygaga give her another! Ah gwan!
@h0bx its grim up North. As always. I wouldn’t really want to be anywhere else. Except maybe Florida.
@Knaughts88 which xbox u got big naughts? New xbox slim has built in wireless.
@h0bx hope all is settling well on your cypriat self at the beeb young sir!
That’ll be $60 please. http://t.co/30fuMSy
@h0bx Not bad matey. Did you get the gTalk I left you?
@h0bx Congrats matey, not be long before you’re in a shiny office with those shiny clinking ball things making beautiful television for us!
Freeze! You know who it is. It’s me, Bitches!
49.5mbps downstream. 4.8mbps upstream. Good work. Let’s hope they can keep it up.
Twenty past one and the dogs have already had a walk and a trip to Clumber Park!
I once rolled myself up in my bedcovers like a swiss roll to camouflage myself from possible alien abduction. #mondayconfession
I once spent weeks avoiding standing near windows as I thought snipers were watching me. #mondayconfession #stupidparanoia
Robert Rodriguez’s Machete. Brilliant!
Congratulations to the Blades youth team for making it to the FA Youth Cup Final!
Hah. Hahahah. Not even one minute into the game. http://bit.ly/efPYSD
@h0bx I’ve got a zillion tweets. I’m down with the new techz izzit blud.Check out my bad self: http://www.incubus.me.uk
@h0bx Whatever do you mean, good sir?
Take that you little bastard! http://t.co/Q9VUvBS
Happy birthday Travelling Mary!
Life is a massive wanker and I want my money back.
http://t.co/pjdmzqW – Mario Balotelli, are you really that stupid?
This is AMAZING! http://t.co/umCTcVU
Good work. http://t.co/97eHfo2
One word: Moron. http://yhoo.it/fnq5t4
William enjoys a good film, a comfortable armchair and a brandy. http://t.co/V8iZjuA
@simonpegg werewolf/emo/vampire #threewordmovies
@simonpegg is no spoon? #threewordmovies
I did a lol http://tinyurl.com/4opvjc5
Scott Pilgrim and The Other Guys – watched and enjoyed.
First J.R. Hartley’s book and now Day V Lately’s trance mix. Can’t these people keep a copy of their own shit?!?
Nice hour-long powercut to round the weekend off. Charles isn’t too happy though as she missed the Dancing on Ice result!
I would make a better TV presenter than Adrian Chiles. And I wouldn’t cost as much. Useless Brummie get.
As they say: it never rains, but it pours.
And if you’re selling vegetables, it’s “potatoes” and not “potatoe’s”.
It’s “you’re” not “your” when saying “you’re stupid”, and “our” not “are” as in “for our team”.
He spent three minutes regaling me about how he used to clean 500 toilets and 500 basins. Nothing about catching flies with chopsticks…
And he sounds Mancunian. And looks it.
That crazy Mister Miyagi cleaner is here again, doing some crazy Mister Miyagi toilet cleaning shit on/shit off shit.
Dancing in the disco bumper to bumper. Wait a minute: where’s my jumper?!
Cher is fucking shit. White girl can’t rap. Or sing actually. Or draw eyebrows too for that matter. Chav.
Are Gillian’s ears sliding off her head?
Alison has a truly magnificent 5 o’clock shadow on I’m a Celebrity.
Snow snow! http://twitpic.com/3ahnbx
I’m a real nowhere man, sitting in my nowhere land. Making all my nowhere plans for nobody.
I’m older than I wish to be. This town holds no more for me. All my life I’ve tried to find another way.
Pins! Pins! Is that you in the buttons box? Making all that noise? Or is it black? Black! Black!
Like the endless blackness of space that leads to the chasm of Clams!
Black! Like the Procession of Night which leads us into the Valley of Despair!
Listen! Listen! Do you hear? The moon is weeping in a secret room! They tap at my window with tiny paws!
Black! Like the Clouds of Death that follow me into the Forest of Doom and hide in the Wardrobe of Darkness!
Christ, the X factor is boring and shit.
Seven AM. Morning. Came to take us away. Little men, big guns. Pointed at our heads
Shadows and lies! Shadows and lies!
Brain like mash potato, eyes like black hole.
Which leads me to ask the question: what the hell are they spending so much money on?! Prostitutes and cover-ups? Cocaine and razor blades?
£9k per year, average 5 lectures a week in a lecture of 300 students – the university “struggles” to make only £13500 for an hour’s work.
You can charge 9k per year if you help poorer students? Who the fuck ISN’T going to be a poor student?! Robbing twats.
What’s for tea, Mother? Shadows and Lies!?
Like the new xbox dashboard style.
I don’t think we’re far away from a return to the Roman Colosseum, with Simon Cowell as Caligula. I think I’d actually enjoy that though.
Yawn X-factor, yawn million adverts, yawn artist pluggage, yawn X-factor. When will you die like Big Brother? Yawn.
Freaky. http://bit.ly/cGqVZS
A man where I work goes to the toilet with the door wide open and washes his hands by slapping the tap as he passes. I don’t like him.
The cleaning man is doing some crazy eyes-shut mop on, mop off Mister Miyagi shit in reception this morning.
What do you think candy is made out of? Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
I made this. http://www.incubus.me.uk
Ah! I see you have the machine that goes ‘ping’. This is my favourite.
It’ll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night. Mostly.
A-well-a everybody’s heard about the bird. B-b-b-bird bird bird, b-bird is the word.
Oh, have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard.
Well there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
Too late you dropped the drawbridge. You let the vampires in. You caused this shit to happen and now you want out?
@Lottiekins Rawr! #bedroomolympics
I’ve no time for law-breakers. My legs are grey, my ears are nulled, my eyes are old and bent.
@Lottiekins Do I get a free copy of Radio Times and a mug of hot soup if I call? Us Silver Surfers need all the interweb help we can get!
Buuuuulllllllllltungin!
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!
I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction!
http://bit.ly/buO3FI Keep them! When else will you get to enjoy shouting “Cobbled!” to someone falling arse over tit? #thisisnotamerica
http://bit.ly/bXNpoE Whatever next?!
@Lottiekins Computer week for the OAPs? You’re all starting about 48 years too soon aren’t you?!? Are you teachlearning the interwebs good?
@StephItaliano @Lottiekins I’ll wipe them. Has she let them get mucky again?!
@Lottiekins, @djreid90 , @StephItaliano – you all working hard then? lol
And thus only require simple yes/no/tick/cross/pink/brown answers on a postcard please. Many thanks, Fluffy Peter.
Is this a subtle plan to hasten my demise? Please henceforth change this with immediate effect.
Dear Govt. Do you have so many tax formage with silly letternumbers and knees-bent running around motions in order to confuse me?
Go on son! Good work. http://bit.ly/a4GGjl
I’m not afraid, I just don’t belong. It may be cynical but it all seems wrong
Behind my eyes is a rage unknown, but you don’t understand – it was all homegrown.
Fucking shit referee and fucking boring England. Fucking shit Shrek. Why does Capello even still play him in current state of mind?
Stuck outside and resorted to eating a pasty in the stairwells while holding the brown crayons in a bunch. Otherwise it could get messy.
@mattjwillis you can find her at lottiekins if you would be so kind!
@mattjwillis Please say happy birthday to my girlfriend – she loves you, I’m jealous! Cheers mate! 
@Lottiekins happy birthday chick chick! Xxxx
Pets at Home are breaking into the “adult bird” market: http://twitpic.com/2v2kt3
Dad jobs completed: grass mown, dogs walked, form dropped off at vets, big shop done, fajitas cooked, Linzi safely chauffeured home.
Today’s film quote: “What are you going to do? Bleed on me?!”
Will it keep the vampires in or out? http://twitpic.com/2shwwt
While I’m at it, what kind of an idiot needs this to be pointed out on a HEATER? http://twitpic.com/2qwcf7
How does anyone miss by this much? Did you piss with your eyes shut? Were you even stood at the toilet? http://twitpic.com/2qw9vf
You’d think that in a building full of “Suits” the toilets wouldn’t be piss-ridden and shit-stained, eh? Right.
The 1st step to fixing a problem is to get people to stop telling you that the 1st step to fixing a problem is admitting there is a problem.
The serious dancer face makes me laugh http://bit.ly/bTgkgO
Charlie says “Sometimes being with you is like watching Eminem on The Crystal Maze.” Once again – thanks chick!
says to Charlie about her phone being on silent: “Don’t forget to put your noise on sound. “
With all this Facebook privacy controversy recently, I think I’ll sign up to this: http://bit.ly/cW0oSD
2010 World Cup == Mostly gash with outbreaks of diving and patchy skillful goalscoring.
And both these team are a bunch of devious cheating shits too.
Spain have also missed some sitters. Best, most accomplished professionals on the planet these.
And to top it off, Howard Webb – possibly one of the worst referees on the planet – is reading this match. Good choice there. No, honestly.
What an absolutely pants final this is so far. Oh, and Robben has just missed a sitter.
Is badly 
Charlie says “Phil, being with you is like living in the Crystal Maze”. Erm, thanks?
Please please please can I have one? http://bit.ly/a7T7Pr
So, we will have a new world champion…
Shit match, great goal.
Happy birthday Will!
What a match! That’s proper football, can we have some of that please English FA?
Come on Paraguay, beat those Spaniards – I’ve got a KFC raffle ticket riding on them!
Suddenly, the 4-1 (can we call it 4-2?) defeat to Germany doesn’t feel so bad… Germany to win the World Cup?
Come on Ghana!
Awww, all those broken toys. So sad, so sad…
Brazil’s “superstars” – a bunch of spoilt children. Go on, throw those toys out. Let the Orange ones dance upon them like leaves in autumn.
Hoping for Holland, Ghana, Germany, Paraguay semi finals. The “Big Countries” are starting to piss me off like the Premier League’s “Big 4″.
Is it me, or has R Kelly joined the Brazil team under the name Maicon?
Though of backing the beard until England perform admirably in competition. But don’t fancy tripping over facial hair for the next 50 years.
And another thing – I’m sick and tired of diving and feigning. All this “style” is simulating bad tackles for gain. Just play the game.
Where-o where-o where is Blatter? I’m sure he’s near the goal line but of course the technology isn’t in plce to spot him.
Moreso than this fucking vuvuzelas. And that’s really saying something.
Right, well so far 50% of 2nd round marches have been ruined by inept officials and lack of video refereeing. It’s ruined the tournament.
It’s this kind of stuff which makes it obvious why goal line and video refereeing isn’t brought in – all the big teams wouldn’t always win.
Nice to see no controversy at all in the Argentina match. Shown on the big screen too. Why not in the England match? Wonder why…?
Maybe we should get a German as our next England “coach”? Or back to the old school English manager? Seems we get further with them?
Are England ever going to win a major tournament before I die? If I die next week, then no.
Who’s fault? Players, manager,referee or all three? Damn you English media for making us think we were any good.
Is it bad to wish disease and death upon the referee and linesman?
It’s painful to admit BBC pundits talking are talking reasonable sense.
On the plus side – most of those players will have retired by the next World Cup.
I just look forward to Argentina hammering those wankers. Dejected.
It’s about time to start looking further afield than Chelsea, Liverpool, Man Utd, Spurs. Try picking players that perform!
Worst defeat in English World Cup history. Fucking great. Against a not-particularly-good Germany. England have been terrible all tournament
I could keep posting all night but needless to say this won’t be the last. We’ve been shit but we have been conned. Total joke.
Where o where o where is Shrek-o? He’s hiding somewhere. Not sure where.
I guess I was stupid to think this overpaid bunch of tossers would win the world cup. This has been an abysmal performance overall.
2-2 at half time and this would have been a completely different match. I feel somewhat cheated. FIFA, you are a bunch of twats.
How many millions of pounds have they paid Capello to make no difference to hoe shit England really are.
You know, stupidly, I thought today was going to be a good match.
Every single conceded goal – defensive mistake. Played England.
And those vu-fuck-vu-fucking-ze-fucking-zelas. Don’t even get me started. Waspy fucking plastic swarmy shitty shits.
I’m thinking of a word. It starts with a “c”. Sepp Blatter, it’s what you are. Everyone except you agrees. Goal line technology is a must.
Just like Man U never conceding a penalty at home, goal line technology – no of course it won’t happen. Because then you can’t cheat.
Epic fail referee. That was a mile in! You tosser!
E. P. I. C. F. A. I. L.
Hopefully the match will be as good as the weather. Fingers, toes and testicles crossed!
Get in! Go on Ghana!
@jcworldcuplive I’m really sad to see Italy and France go out. No, honestly. So sad, so sad…
Torres – you’re a diving, cheating bastard.
Komano for Japan runs like a Sensible Soccer player.
Go on Japan! Free kicks have been bleak so far (bar that one by the South Koreans?) – and now two excellent ones in 30 minutes!
What’s the presenter from 5th Gear doing refereeing the Germany-Ghana match?
Bombadier. Premium bitter. Drink of England. Laaaarvley.
Much better, Shrek. Much much much better.
South Africa Invasion of the England Team Bodysnatchers? How much better is this?
I’d like to think it will be a good match though… here’s hoping!
Can they do it? Do you care? Will it make any difference?
Love the flow of the Chile/Switzerland match. This referee is terrible. And how did the Swiss player get away with bring “hit in the face”?
Well played Kiwis!
Well some things never change – Italy are always diving and cheating.
Spain, Germany, and now Italy mebbes?
Unlucky Cameroon. Excellent match. Exciting like England matches, yes?
Now being thoroughly British gives me the right to be completely hypocritical should England turn it around on Wednesday. Just so you know.
I’ve sat and thought about the performance. Digested it. Mulled over individual performances. Considered facts. Let’s face it. We’re shit.
Good job the vuvuzelas are there, otherwise you’d *really* hear those boos. Load of shit.
Ok, so swap the giant for the dwarf. Leave the ogre on. Because ogres have layers remember?
Lennon is playing shit – what shall we do? I know! Let’s play his darker skinned clone! What difference has it made? None. Played.
What the fuck is up with Shrek?
Puppy William isn’t well he’s got hip dysplasia. Poor bugger.
For Lampard, that should have read “twat” not “year”.
Green – follow in the footsteps of all previous England number ones. The list goes on. I’m amazed the pundits thought we had played well!
Rooney – lose all ball skills and control as soon as the important games start. Johnson – overhit every cross.
Heskey – stray offside regardless of whether or not staying onside is easier. Lampard – year every free kick at the wall or over.
England players jobs for that match: Cole – pass sideways or backwards. Terry – look for sensible pass but hoof at first opportunity.
Remind me again how many thousands of pounds those “players” earn each week.
@itv sort out HD! What in god’s name are you doing? Keeps switching to SD and signal totally dropped as England scored!
How the hell do they pick Big Brother contestants? Sunshine, Shabby, Ife? Stupid name competition mebbes?
I uploaded a YouTube video — Patriotic Puppy http://youtu.be/HAAxuSDJgTY?a
Patriotic puppy: http://bit.ly/9GlZeW
@stephenfry Do u not fink its a gud idea tho innit, like cos uverwise, like English is guna suffer innit in future yeh? Wikid. Lol.
Nom Nom. Ice cream. Nom.
PC World adverts are shit. “A 3 gig RAM”. What’s that? A comedy goat on tour? You’re a technology provider – use the correct phraseage!
#completethetweet – Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you’re _ ____.
Just to get you in the mood for the World Cup. A proper national anthem. http://bit.ly/cS4ngt
What have ironing, scraping yoghurt pots, rustling in handbags, gentle voices, and running fingers through hair got in common?
Oscar is far too relaxed in his preparations for Saturday’s match. ttp://twitgoo.com/yjl0k
William is “World Cup ready”. http://twitgoo.com/yjkuw
Far too many advert breaks. #bgt this is not American TV! Aren’t you making enough Benjamins from the voting as it is?!
The dogs are ready for the World Cup. Bless ‘em.
Sugar Puffs make your wee wee smell Sugar Puffy.
Nom Nom. Homemade Roast potatoes. Nom.
Nah then thee, has tha got beef wi me? http://bit.ly/9icVME
No, I like it in here! http://bit.ly/bXMvOO
I took 17 items through the 15 items or less till. I’m a total gangster.
That should have said miming. Damned gay American spellchecker!
Thinks the Michael Jackson mining pig was more interesting than the entire England match.
Nom Nom. Peanut M&Ms. Nom.
How about: You’re a bunch of overpaid, overhyped, underperforming “professionals”. I say “professionals” as I’m not sure I can say tossers.
You’re the England manager. What do you say to your team at half time after a performance like that?
Nom Nom. XL monster burger. Nom.
Mary: “I’m only here to make you miserable.” Me: “Good, I wouldn’t be happy otherwise!”
Mary is having Stale & Ache pie for tea.
“Get out of the booth, Jack”. “No, I like it in here!”
says “A robot renegade cop!”
“In a world where laughter was king… In a time… In a land… In a land before time…”
they call her Mrs. Pig!
is Big Pimping in his waistcoat and suit.
Quuuuuaaaaaaaiiiiiddd!
University: “Seat of unlearning, useless bastards, time wasting & overcharging”. Extract from Steer Dictionary Standard Edition.
@LeighFrancis – how do you spell “sha ting”!? Sounds a bit like a bottom accident when you see it written down.
says “My wisdom teeth started coming thru about 1920ish”. Charlie: “What?! 1920?!” No, Charlie, 19 – 20ish. Read the punctuation!
Says: “Puuuuuub!”
William loves to put his balls on display. http://twitgoo.com/wplkn
Pukpyilutnpfcayodwu. A word that happened by running my fingers over the keyboard.
is not very well
It’s like the dawn of a new era that nobody wanted to see.
The sun is shining. And I have no job.
Mmmmmm… Butties.
is glad that week is out of the way.
Pitchyup noo noo! An tye tye!
Am I Foccinaucinihilipilification?
Peanut. Sasquatch. Bullethead. Wingnut.
says “Fuck you, Chow Yun Thin!”
How do you spell gism?
Foot like terminator, hair like bongo.
How do you spend ‘Brownie Points’?
He washed them… He clothed them… But first…
What, no pepperoni OR meatballs?!
triggers Mother Russia into action.
Nom nom. Butties.
has dog spit face.
has shiny teeth.